Christmas Day I was in the ER, not the ideal Holiday dream, but I was happy to be somewhere I could get help. Fevers and abdominal pain were my symptoms, and three different departments were looking after me.

No one knew what was wrong.

With every report we got I looked at my husband Andrew for reassurance and he said to me “Do I look worried?” I nodded no. He replied “God is in control”.

Andrew sent out texts for prayer to some family and friends but I knew that I needed an army so I asked him to post it to Facebook. The response of love and prayer brought me to tears.

While I was going in for surgery I was at my weakest point. There were a lot of people in there and I looked at the OB GYN doctor who was with me from the beginning. Her face was so downcast and I hated to see that. When they propped me on the OR bed I let go.  Francis Chan  says ‘your next breath is dependent on Him’, and I was experiencing that. Strength for my next move and breath was all Him. Honestly, I thought I was going to die. I thought about my sweet husband and how much I love him and would be sad to not be with him. I saw the faces of my nieces and nephews and how much I wanted to  watch them grow up. In that moment I realized I had no control over my life. Any type of anger or un-forgiveness didn’t matter anymore.

I didn’t think about one material possession I owned or if I went on enough adventures, I just asked myself ‘On this earth did I love well? Do the people in my life know how much I love them? Did I exemplify this love God gave to me to others – strangers and even those who’ve hurt me?”

I was recovering in the hospital slowly but surely. It was painful. I was still getting fevers and my white blood count plateaued which was an indication my body was still fighting an infection. It was disheartening to hear the news and every time a new doctor came in I wanted to make sure I was in the best shape, because I wanted to go home.

On the 11th night, Andrew stepped out, and I was all by myself. These moments I cry out to Him and tears stream my face as I recall His promises for my life. This time it was different. It was like He was so close to me. I felt Jesus cup my face with His hands and say, “I am your wholeness”, and He showed me His nail scarred hands and said, “this is your healing.” He told me He would “never ever ever ever leave  me.” I couldn’t shake this closeness. Jesus is so beautiful, and to experience Him like that was priceless. When Andrew returned I was a crying mess of joy because I couldn’t get over the beauty of His Kingdom, the body of Christ, and this God of love. What a beautiful thing to be part of.

The following day I got blood drawn and my white blood count went down. I was off the IV – thank God!  and I was getting stronger. I was walking more around the halls, and the best news came around 1pm, I was going home!!

I cannot express my gratitude for all the prayers, love, and support I’ve received. Every text message, email, facebook message, and comment. To everyone who brought Andrew and AJ food while they were taking care of me.. especially my Uncle Robert and Auntie Ruthie who came daily for lunch. To everyone who came to pray over me, and tell me to keep strong. For everyone who has signed up to bring us food, and blessed us by helping us cover some medical expenses. For all my family and friends who love me well,

I love you all.

Lastly, there is a high chance I contracted salmonella from Thailand or Cambodia. Will this stop me from ever traveling again? No. Do I regret going there? Absolutely not. Fear will not keep me from pursuing traveling or serving abroad. It can look like because we were there this happened as a spiritual attack blah blah. But, I’m not giving the enemy any credit because he has been defeated, and things just happen.

With much hope and anticipation I look forward to what lies ahead. Keep the prayers and love coming!

❤ Kalani

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

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